Attraction Is A Fatal Disease.

Attraction is a funny thing. There are no rules. There is no real rhyme or reason why there is an initial attraction. You think that you like type A but then you find yourself attracted to this type B person. It seems that no matter what type of person you like you always seem to end up being attracted at some point to the exact opposite. But then there are time where you find yourself attracted to a person either only physically or attracted to their personality. But there is a time when you find yourself attracted to a person and it develops a little further, what younger people will call a crush. For the sake of consistancy, I will continue with the same syntax. This happened to me recently. I didn't want it to. It just happened. I was talking to this girl after her boyfriend broke up with her for a fucking stupid reason. And it upset me because she is a good friend and she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. I was talking to her pretty much all day and most of the night to try and get her mind off of the shit he did. I was attempting to be a good friend and help her through this hard time. Just after talking to her for a few weeks, it kinda turned into flirting a little. Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, as far as I'm concerned. But then it happened. It felt like a giant brick wall hit me. I had a crush on her. I really liked her personality. The thing is I haven't seen her in years. I mean in like over 4 years. I know what you are thinking: How can you have a crush on a girl you haven't seen in over 4 years? I don't know how it happened. But it did. But just in my way of doing things, I've attempted to destroy it and get rid of the crush. Why? There is no point in having a crush on a girl who is practically unavailable. "Huh?" is what you are saying right now. How can someone be single but unavailable. She didn't want to date anyone after being with him for a few years. It makes sense, but it just adds to this dilemma for me. And I have to stop and ask myself: Why do I always like the girls who are unavailable? Is it a mental thing for me? Do I do it so that I know that they are unavailable, so I won't take a chance and ask them out, and therefore won't feel rejected? Or do I just have bad luck. I know what you think it is. I will tell you what I think it is: I feel it is both. Like 90/10 split. The 90 part being the mental part of knowing that they are unavailable so I will continue to feel safe. Rejection is a part of life. Some experience it more than others. I have a rocky past with girls. I know I do. I've been an asshole to girls. I've tried being the friend to girls. It's been a tough road. I've been trying to recover and find myself and everything. I did something that I usually don't do. I told this girl I had a crush on her. I normally don't reveal that to anyone; half the time I try to convince myself that it is not real and quell it. She seemed surprised by it, but it quickly turned back into the reaffirming dread I had: She didn't want to date anyone. And that is fine with me. I knew that maybe someday in the near future, she might have a change of heart and find her way to me. But then it all came crashing down on me. Her ex came back into town. Knowing that she still had feelings for him, my heart sank. But then my defective, messed up head took over. It decided that it was time to put an end to this uncertainty and risk-taking once and for all. Why be attracted to anyone? This makes me think of the novel "The Giver". It portrays a world where everyone has their purpose. You are groomed for your purpose. Women have the opportunity to become child bearers. It seems like a much simpler world than the one where we live. According to Feminists and females politicians, this world is run by men and women are not equal, blah blah blah. While it is true that the business world is dominated by men, and the political world to a certain extent is also dominated by men, there is a whole other side to this world that women have their claws dug in, and they are dug in deep. That is the emotional world. They can claim that chivalry is dead. It is, to a certain extent. But that was set in motion by women themselves. This need to be equal in everything has been historically off-putting to men. Wanna be equal? Open your own damn door. That is not the attitude I have. But it is an example of things. But then when it comes to romance and dating, it is the common belief that men have the responsibility for everything that involves dating and romance. The guy is expected to pick the girl up. The guy is expected to pay. The guy is expected to plan everything. It is the guy who always gets in trouble every year that he does not plan something big and extravagant for the anniversary. It is the guy who is supposed to take the chance and ask the girl out. Why is always falling on us? I mean I don't mind planning everything making it fun. I like knowing what I have planned so I can tease the girl and have some fun with it. What is discouraging is when girls constantly compare what you do to their friend's dates or boyfriends and basically saying "Try harder cause you're not doing good enough". And it also is discouraging that we have to take the chance on a girl and there are girls out there who just want to defeat men and make them feel like nothing. Why don't girls ask guys out? I will tell you why: their mothers. Mothers implant into their little princess' head that for a guy to be good enough, he has to do this, this, and this. And let's be honest. Most of the guys in the world cannot live up to those high expectations. I know that I can't. I don't have the money to take a girl out on an expensive date. I try to plan on a budget, but making it fun. I trying to figure out what my girl likes, and play to that. I would much rather cook dinner for a girl than try to impress her by taking her to a fancy restraunt. And by fancy I mean the Tilted Kilt. Oh, by the way girls, if you don't like dogs, and by dogs I mean German Shepherds, don't apply here. Because I will have a German Shepherd, and she will be protective, and she will be my best friend and will always come first. I will have a king size bed so she can sleep there with me. So get used to the idea. If you try to get between me and her, I will not hesitate to severe the relationship. And when it is her time, yes I will cry like a newborn baby. No one will ever do anything to seperate me from my dog. I keep her with me everywhere I go. She will be missed. I loved her, and I still do. She was my best friend no matter what was happening in this world. She didn't want to leave. She fought until I told her it was okay. I still have scars from you, baby girl. You are missed more and more everyday. Still ate that pizza just like when you were a puppy. I remember our first night together. You slept in my bed; me on the floor. You were more than a dog. You were everything to me. I hated not being able to take you with me to college. I missed you the most while away. I always welcome the bleeding and the licks and everything. You were my BEST FRIEND. Always and forever. I Love You.

The Mac Is Back.

The Mac Is Back! Wooooo! I have officially disassembled, painted, and successfully reassembled my Power Mac G5. The paint has a few small nicks and scratches from when I was working on the assembly. The computer was a pain in the ass to take apart and put back together. It is a well crafted and well engineered piece of machinery. Everything fits together in a certain way and only in one way. I like it though. It was a challenge. I do not consider the Mac to be finished. I will be buying some new fans to use that have some nice bright LEDs in them. I will also be using my remaining two PCI Expnasion slots for two fan controllers. I'm looking forward to getting everything going again and using this powerful machine. I will be working on a screenshot tour of my Mac, and how I have it set up. I will be working on customizing the desktop like I have my Windows one set up.

I have a question: Why do guys treat their girlfriends like shit? I don't understand. They have this beautiful, smart, wonderful girl, and they treat her like shit. Why? Do they have make her feel bad to make themselves feel better? Even after all the shit they go through for you? Like moving across the country to be with you? I don't understand the need to make your girlfriend, the girl you supposidly love, feel like shit. I do hope and pray that she smartens up and leaves your ass and finds a guy who will treat her like she deserves. I do the little things for a girl and she thinks I'm the nicest guy in the world. Why doesn't every guy do those little things for girls? I know that we are not in the age of Knights and the damsel in distress. But why be an asshole? There is no need for it. And what else pisses me off is that the girls aren't fucking smart enough to get the fuck out of there. WHy be with a guy who treats you like shit? Don't give me the "But I love him" bullshit. You are just afraid to take charge and find someone better. And there is someone better out there for you. Sometimes the guy is right in front of you. Sometimes it is your best friend who is secretly in love with you but decides to keep it secret because he knows that you won't leave the asshole. Or he is with you time and time again as your parade through a bunch idiots who don't know how to treat a girl. I just don't know what to think about this whole romance and dating thing anymore. It seems that I see everyone pairing off and finding someone. But it seems to elude me. I fully subscribe to the theory that some people are destined to be alone forever. It is just math. But I'm finished with that now.

I'm ready for Friday. Day off. Relaxing. I'm excited. Maybe something good will come out of it.

The So-Called Fairer Sex and Myself.

I currently have two people who are willing to let it be known that they follow this blog. Fair Enough. I don't know it there are any more out there who read and keep it a secret. Here is something that I know that the two followers know: I have trouble finding a girlfriend. This is not nothing new. I have for a while. I have been single for around 3 years. That isn't the real issue that I have with being single. The main issue I have with it is that I have a mother who always asks the wrong questions and makes it worse for me. She has been watching wedding planning shows like a mad obsession in the past few months. That in itself is not a bad thing. But then she starts to plan my wedding for me whenever I happen to walk into the room. This is the bad part. I just smile and think to myself: I think I need to get a date first. I haven't been on a real date since July 2008. It is not for trying. Believe me. I'm not mad at anyone though. I have asked out girls. Most have said no, few have said yes, none that have said yes have actually showed up for the date. I have never been mad at the girl though. I take each one differently. I always find something to do that takes my mind off the entire situation. Drinking was never my first reaction. For one, I just worked on my photo experiments for a weekend straight. No sleep. No eating. I just worked. It happens. For another situation, I painted my HTPC case. I have a different reaction. It has come to this point: Whenever I make plans for a date with a girl, I always make a backup plan for WHEN (not IF) she decides not to show. I have very little faith in the female gender when it comes to dating.

I have a few suggestions and criticisms for the female gender. My largest complaint: Why do girls spend so much damn time preparing for a date with a guy? Let's go through the list: Showering/Basic Hygiene, getting dressed, and make-up (optional). If a guy likes you enough to ask you out, then why spend a few hours getting ready so you can "impress him"? Personally, I like the girl to be comfy. Jeans, and a shirt. Make-up is completely optional; it is up to the girl. I don't feel like I'm special enough for the girl to spend all the time to get ready just for me. Just a personal opinion. My next suggestion: If you say "yes" to a guy who asks you out, then please just show up. You may be thinking that you're doing him a favor because you don't really like him, but it is more devastating. Think of it this way: A guy is taking a complete leap of faith when asking a girl out. Because sometimes it is impossible to tell if the girl actually likes you or she is just between hook ups and needs you to do something for her. So he is taking a leap of faith in asking you out. You have a choice to make: say "yes" and go on a date with him, or say "no" and let him move on. This saying yes and not showing bullshit is what ruins guys, and often the good guys that girls always complain that they can't find. Yeah, you can't find them because you have fucked them up so much that they don't wanna take that chance again. It is like this: Say you have a closet in your house, and you know that every time you open the door, there is a chance that you will be shocked. After opening the door and getting shocked so many times, you're say "fuck that" and not use the closet. You don't wanna take that chance anymore. Neither do the guys who get stood up all the fucking time. Here is my suggestion: If you say yes, then go on the date. What is the worst that could happen? You get a free meal, and you both find out that it just isn't going to work? You will risk pregnancy and STD's by sleeping with a different guy every night, but you won't risk finding out you can have a great relationship with a good guy? What the fuck, females?

Nerds. Geeks. These are often used as derogatory terms against someone. But, we (yes, I strongly consider myself a nerd) are often the guys that make the better boyfriends. Here is why: We will do the things to keep you happy. We will not (for the most part. I can not be certain, but this is mainly what I believe) cheat. We are easy to keep happy. You know where to find us on Friday and Saturday nights. We are easy to shop for. We will be so fucking grateful that you have given us a chance that we will treat you like a queen. Think about it girls. How can a guy cheat if you are the only girl that will talk to him? If you have to work on a Friday night, you can be certain we are mostly likely at home playing games. Christmas: we are easy to shop for. A gift card to the local computer hardware store; a novelty gadget; a computer game we don't own. And you can train us, if you will. We don't know what we're doing most of the time when it comes to girls. You can show and teach us what is right and what is wrong. It won't be the same for all girls, but the basic concepts remain the same. I know that we're not the most attractive guys or socially awkward at times; doesn't make us any less human. A human who has feelings.

I have no issue taking the blame for when I do something wrong. Some might say that I take the blame even when I shouldn't. But why is everything that is wrong with a relationship the guy's fault? Why are we made out to look like the bad guy? Girl cheats on her boyfriend, and it is his fault cause he "wasn't paying enough attention to her" at home. What the fuck? If you cheat on him, it is all your damn fault. And guys, don't take the blame for that. If she's not happy with the relationship, she blames the guy. Maybe you need to put a little more effort into the relationship and maybe try to fix it. If you decide that you don't like the guy anymore, then end it. No need to keep dragging a dead horse. But if you do end it and leave him for another guy, don't come running back when it ends with the other guy. If she does, then guys, don't take her back. She hurt you before and she will do it again. It like the little kid at the beach: he keeps going a little further and further into the water to see how far he can go before he gets in trouble. It will keep happening until you finally say no to her.

It is not my choice if I have a girlfriend or not. It is not in my hands. I can only do so much. The rest is up to her. I can talk to her, be nice, and then take the chance and ask her out. That is all I can do. I can think a girl is cute; and ask her out. But that is all. Not to sound corny, but the ball is in her court. I gave her the ball, and it is up to her on what to do with the ball. She has two choices. Say yes, or no. If no, then the guy will know that it won't happen, and move on. If yes, then give him your phone number if he doesn't happen to have it already. Then go on the fucking date! Not that hard.

Another thing I have an issue with. Girls: if you like a guy, don't be afraid to ask him out. I feel that for as far our society has come in the past century, we are stuck in an old way of dating and romance. I was taken out on a date. Miranda and I were dating at the time, she ask me to go on a date with her, and I accepted. Since she asked me on the date, she felt that she should pay for the meal. I wasn't too keen on the idea, but for reasons that I will not mention here. But why is it frowned upon for girls to ask guys out? I blame the girl's mothers. They give them all this advice, and part of it is that is to wait for the guy to come to her and ask her out. If I ever get to the point where I have children and I have a daughter, I will tell her to take the chance and ask a guy out if she likes him. Maybe the guy is just too damn nervous to ask her out. I mean were is it written that a guy who can't be taken out on a date by a girl? I don't think it is necessarily fair that a guy has to take all the chances by asking a girl out and possibly getting hurt by her? This is where the girls have taken control of our concepts of romance and have all these daydreams and notions and expectations to point that a guy has be a fucking millionaire to be able to live up to. And because of their control of this, I feel that red roses are only used by guys when they want to get out of trouble. A guy thinks he fucked up, he buys roses. Why? Cause females perceive them as romantic and accept it. I have bought flowers for girls before. I have never bought red roses. I bought flowers every year for my mom's birthday and took them to her at work; save for this year because her birthday was on a Sunday. I am very hesitant to have flowers delivered to anyone but my mother because the last time I did, she dumped me that day. It is a bad memory connection. Also, roses don't last more than a week.

Girls claim that chivalry is dead. It is no longer a mainstream concept. But there are guys out there who still do all the little things for a girl. But most of the time, she never notices. Hold a door open for a girl: nothing. Open her car door for her: doesn't notice. Give her your jacket when she's cold: who cares. But then you watch a "romantic" movie with her, and she complains that guys don't do that anymore. Seriously? So then the guy wonders why he keeps doing those things for the girl when she obviously doesn't take notice then complains. THAT is why chivalry is struggling for its last dying breath.

I would like to take this time to apologize to the females that don't do these things to guys. I know that not all girls are the same. I know that all guys are the not the same. This applies to some girls, and this covers some guys. I'm giving my opinion and I don't give a fuck if you think I'm wrong. If you do, then step up and tell me. I will have a discussion with you. Just remember: this is all coming from my personal experience and my personal observations. I know that I'm not 100% correct. No one is. I can just express my opinions at my will and try to do so the best to my ability. Thanks for sticking with me through this one.

Confessions of the Day.

I preface this post by the fact that this is directed towards no one in specific. It is something that I have been thinking about for a while, and I feel that it is time to make my displeasure with this subject known. This is the basic topic of the post: I hate douchebags/bitches. I would like to take the time to clarify what I mean. A douchebag can encompass many meanings, and many different types of the male species. I am specifically talking about the douchebags that lie and take advantage of a girl and her emotions. Yes, I know, everyone lies. It is a part of life. Some might even say that lying is part of any healthy relationship. Personally, I don't feel the need to lie to a female. I have nothing to hide. This is not to say that I haven't lied to a female before, believe me, I have. But lying to a female by telling her that you [douchebag] is no longer with his ex or whatever so you can sleep with said female is just wrong. Why do you feel the need to lie to a female? I also don't understand the nonchalant attitude that some guys take with cheating. Why cheat? Because the girl you are with isn't a slut and won't sleep with you a week into the relationship? If you are upset by this, then why continue to hurt the girl? Why toy with her emotions? If you don't like the fact that she has some respect for herself and her body, then don't stay with her. Let her find the guy that will treat her how she deserves to be treated. There are guys out there in the world that have enough trouble "getting the girl" without you fucking with her emotions to the point that she doesn't trust any other guy. Now this doesn't mean that girls are completely innocent in this scenario. There are girls who take advantage of those few good guys that are left out there in the wild. What pisses me off the most is the fact that they sit there and complain about they "wish they could find a good guy who treats them well". What. The. Fuck. You have a guy who does that but you fail to see that and think that you can do better. And in some rare cases, you can. But most of the time, you never will. And it fucks with the guy's psyche. Now he thinks that the only way he can get girls is to act like the aforementioned douchebags. This is a shitty cycle that unfortunately create more douchebags and in turn lessens the number of the good guys there are. Is it fucked up. On a related topic, girls: If you know a guy likes you, and you are not interested in him, please, PLEASE just let him know. From a personal standpoint, I can take a "No" or an "I'm not interested in you" a lot better than being led on. This is not to say that it rings true with all guys. But each and every time a guy or girl is stood up, it hurts even more. And it leaves them wondering "Is there something wrong with me?". Some find redemption and learn to trust again. But there are others who keep getting stood up, and lose every bit of self confidence and self esteem. To top it all off, they get this advice from others "Be confident. Guys/Girls find it sexy." But how can they be confident in themselves if all they know in their recent history, which is rejection and humiliation? It wouldn't be as bad if the douchebags/bitches were up front with the guy/girl in the first place. This is would help regain trust in the opposite sex. Which is key when living in a society where there is a heavy emphasis placed on being in a couple. Knowing the truth up front would let the person move on and not waste their time trying to impress the person.

Here is another point I want to make today: If the guy/girl you are dating is nervous and not quite sure what to do, don't make fun of them. Gently push them in the correct direction. Don't call them out on it, because it will embarrass them. Drop hints. But don't be vague. Be a little obvious. This will help the person learn, and it will make everyone happier. Now I'm not claiming to be any sort of expert on relationships. I'm just making known what I have learned and experienced in my personal dating life.

And for my final thought of the moment: Sunflower seeds while driving make the drive so much better. You get a constant snack so you don't get hungry, and it also helps quench your thirst.