Attraction Is A Fatal Disease.

Attraction is a funny thing. There are no rules. There is no real rhyme or reason why there is an initial attraction. You think that you like type A but then you find yourself attracted to this type B person. It seems that no matter what type of person you like you always seem to end up being attracted at some point to the exact opposite. But then there are time where you find yourself attracted to a person either only physically or attracted to their personality. But there is a time when you find yourself attracted to a person and it develops a little further, what younger people will call a crush. For the sake of consistancy, I will continue with the same syntax. This happened to me recently. I didn't want it to. It just happened. I was talking to this girl after her boyfriend broke up with her for a fucking stupid reason. And it upset me because she is a good friend and she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. I was talking to her pretty much all day and most of the night to try and get her mind off of the shit he did. I was attempting to be a good friend and help her through this hard time. Just after talking to her for a few weeks, it kinda turned into flirting a little. Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, as far as I'm concerned. But then it happened. It felt like a giant brick wall hit me. I had a crush on her. I really liked her personality. The thing is I haven't seen her in years. I mean in like over 4 years. I know what you are thinking: How can you have a crush on a girl you haven't seen in over 4 years? I don't know how it happened. But it did. But just in my way of doing things, I've attempted to destroy it and get rid of the crush. Why? There is no point in having a crush on a girl who is practically unavailable. "Huh?" is what you are saying right now. How can someone be single but unavailable. She didn't want to date anyone after being with him for a few years. It makes sense, but it just adds to this dilemma for me. And I have to stop and ask myself: Why do I always like the girls who are unavailable? Is it a mental thing for me? Do I do it so that I know that they are unavailable, so I won't take a chance and ask them out, and therefore won't feel rejected? Or do I just have bad luck. I know what you think it is. I will tell you what I think it is: I feel it is both. Like 90/10 split. The 90 part being the mental part of knowing that they are unavailable so I will continue to feel safe. Rejection is a part of life. Some experience it more than others. I have a rocky past with girls. I know I do. I've been an asshole to girls. I've tried being the friend to girls. It's been a tough road. I've been trying to recover and find myself and everything. I did something that I usually don't do. I told this girl I had a crush on her. I normally don't reveal that to anyone; half the time I try to convince myself that it is not real and quell it. She seemed surprised by it, but it quickly turned back into the reaffirming dread I had: She didn't want to date anyone. And that is fine with me. I knew that maybe someday in the near future, she might have a change of heart and find her way to me. But then it all came crashing down on me. Her ex came back into town. Knowing that she still had feelings for him, my heart sank. But then my defective, messed up head took over. It decided that it was time to put an end to this uncertainty and risk-taking once and for all. Why be attracted to anyone? This makes me think of the novel "The Giver". It portrays a world where everyone has their purpose. You are groomed for your purpose. Women have the opportunity to become child bearers. It seems like a much simpler world than the one where we live. According to Feminists and females politicians, this world is run by men and women are not equal, blah blah blah. While it is true that the business world is dominated by men, and the political world to a certain extent is also dominated by men, there is a whole other side to this world that women have their claws dug in, and they are dug in deep. That is the emotional world. They can claim that chivalry is dead. It is, to a certain extent. But that was set in motion by women themselves. This need to be equal in everything has been historically off-putting to men. Wanna be equal? Open your own damn door. That is not the attitude I have. But it is an example of things. But then when it comes to romance and dating, it is the common belief that men have the responsibility for everything that involves dating and romance. The guy is expected to pick the girl up. The guy is expected to pay. The guy is expected to plan everything. It is the guy who always gets in trouble every year that he does not plan something big and extravagant for the anniversary. It is the guy who is supposed to take the chance and ask the girl out. Why is always falling on us? I mean I don't mind planning everything making it fun. I like knowing what I have planned so I can tease the girl and have some fun with it. What is discouraging is when girls constantly compare what you do to their friend's dates or boyfriends and basically saying "Try harder cause you're not doing good enough". And it also is discouraging that we have to take the chance on a girl and there are girls out there who just want to defeat men and make them feel like nothing. Why don't girls ask guys out? I will tell you why: their mothers. Mothers implant into their little princess' head that for a guy to be good enough, he has to do this, this, and this. And let's be honest. Most of the guys in the world cannot live up to those high expectations. I know that I can't. I don't have the money to take a girl out on an expensive date. I try to plan on a budget, but making it fun. I trying to figure out what my girl likes, and play to that. I would much rather cook dinner for a girl than try to impress her by taking her to a fancy restraunt. And by fancy I mean the Tilted Kilt. Oh, by the way girls, if you don't like dogs, and by dogs I mean German Shepherds, don't apply here. Because I will have a German Shepherd, and she will be protective, and she will be my best friend and will always come first. I will have a king size bed so she can sleep there with me. So get used to the idea. If you try to get between me and her, I will not hesitate to severe the relationship. And when it is her time, yes I will cry like a newborn baby. No one will ever do anything to seperate me from my dog. I keep her with me everywhere I go. She will be missed. I loved her, and I still do. She was my best friend no matter what was happening in this world. She didn't want to leave. She fought until I told her it was okay. I still have scars from you, baby girl. You are missed more and more everyday. Still ate that pizza just like when you were a puppy. I remember our first night together. You slept in my bed; me on the floor. You were more than a dog. You were everything to me. I hated not being able to take you with me to college. I missed you the most while away. I always welcome the bleeding and the licks and everything. You were my BEST FRIEND. Always and forever. I Love You.