Tequila Juice

So I'm a little....intoxicated. That is something I think I should point out right off the bat. I am getting tired and when I'm drunk and alone, I get sad and depressed. Why? Because it is seeming that everyone but me is finding their "true love". I don't care about the "right girl" right now. I'm just looking forward to a day when a girl who I ask out on a date decides that she is going to show up and go on the date with me. It has come to the point where I make a back up plan for when she doesn't show up or ignores me the days leading up to the supposed date. Here is a little secret: When I am asking you out on a date, I'm not asking for a long relationship and you have to make a decision right now. I am asking you for a chance. I like you. So I want to take you out and get to know you a little better. You know, have a good time. What ends up happening though is that I end up with Plan B. And it hits really hard when you realize that this girl doesn't like me enough to get a free dinner and a free movie. And all you have to do is fucking show up. What the fuck is so hard about that? Not only is it fucking rude, it fucking hurts. I take it hard. I won't talk to people. After Katie stood me, which I thought she would never do, I didn't eat or sleep for almost 72 hours. I worked in my darkroom. I told myself that it wasn't her fault. I told myself and others that it was my fault for asking her out on a date. And the really fucked up part of it all is that to this day I will take responsibility and take the blame for everything. Girl doesn't show up for a date. It's cool, cause it is my fault for bothering her and asking her out. Girl dumps me over a phone call. Fine, because I obviously did something to deserve it. Girl rejects me off the bat. Whatever, she's too good for me; out of my league. I'm starting to look at this and wondering "why am I covering for them?" I should be holding them responsible. But for some reason I can't. I am holding onto it all which becomes part of this self destructive spiral I am working my way down. I try to stay positive, and someone is helping me do that. But the problem is that it is the girl that I currently like, and she is for the most part unavailable. It is whatever, I suppose.

Bottom line. Fuck it. Why try so hard when you know the outcome? I can talk to a girl and try to get her to like me, or I can just be me. I choose to be me. If a girl can't like me for me, or like me at my worst, then it is obvious that she doesn't really like me. She likes a part of me; but not everything that I am. I don't know what the future holds for me, but here are a few things that will never change: I will never cheat on you. I can be found most friday and weekend nights alone in my room. I take pride in my work. I will be the one who comes into your work just to say Hi. If you can't seem to handle that, let me know so I can stop wasting time for the both of us.