How Do I Do This Parenting Thing?

Hey there! Here is the topic of the day: Parenting. Parenting is the one thing that everyone knows nothing about, yet is an expert at the same time. Here is why that is. No one is born with the ability to parent. Now, I'm talking solely about Humans. Non Homo Sapien living beings have an instinct to raising their young. Those young are also born with the "Animal Instinct" on what they need to learn as they grow. Humans are taught everything they know, whether that is from other people or self taught. We have a natural curiosity about the world around us. We do not know what is going to happen to us. This is where the parenting kicks in.
 We, as parents, have a certain responsibility to our children. We are the primary teachers that they have. Yes, we have professional teachers at school, but we are with them through their biggest periods of learning. A healthy baby has all body functions, and an instinct to nurse. They know what to do. Apart from that, we teach them everything. How to roll over, crawl, walk, get dressed, use a spoon, not to stick your finger in the electrical socket. If you have pets, then you need to teach them about those pets. We are currently in the learning to pet, and not hit stage of pet learning. She learns things on her own, but we are there to guide her. I get the joy of being able to watch her grow and learn how things work in this world. Seeing the physical growth is a painful thing to witness also, at least for me. We teach our child how to fend for themselves and how to be able to live on their own. We groom them to the point where we as parents are no longer necessary. And this fact tears me apart. I don't want her to get to point that she no longer needs her daddy. And it sucks.
Now, another topic that sucks and it is something that I don't know how to approach. Discipline. I know how I was brought up. I received spankings, I have had to wash my mouth out with soap, groundings, time outs, etc. After the first few times, I began to think: If i do this, what will the consequences be? This taught me to think about these things growing up, and as an adult. My wife accuses me as being non decisive, but I like to think about things thoroughly. I want my daughter to have this mindset. To not be entitled, and to think about what are the results of her actions. I want her to be conscience of how her actions not only affect her, but affect those around her. Knowing that I want this to be the ultimate goal, how do I go about to instill those values and thought process? Do i go about how I was taught? I know my wife doesn't want to spank our children. And I respect her thoughts and ideas. I don't necessarily want to either. I don't want my daughter or any future children to be afraid to come to me. I know growing up, and still to this day, I have hesitations to ask my dad for help, or tell him bad news. This is the dilemma that I have going forward, and I'm not sure how to solve it. I know what will eventually happen: My wife and I will have to sit down and have a discussion about how we want o discipline our daughter. Until then, still an uncertainty.
 Now back to my opening statement. No one knows what they are doing as parents. No matter how many children you have, each child is different. There is the popular saying that the first child is the "tester child". While this is basically true, they shouldn't be treated as such. I remember that before my daughter was born, her mother insisted on having multiple things of hand sanitizer available to clean our hands before holding her. While I know that a newborn, and for their first few months, they are more susceptible to illness and disease. But having that much hand sanitizer can overall be harmful. Killing bacteria like that so often can weaken ourselves for the bacteria. This here is where it ties with vaccines. I think that vaccines are very important to our growth as humans. They have been formulated in such a way that is safe, and it helps us prevent diseases that our past generations feared. Why don't we have Iron Lungs anymore? Because we have the vaccine for Polio, which has all but eradicated because of this vaccine. People think "pumping our children's body full of chemical" is going to have growth defects, both physically and mentally. Which brings me to my final, and most important point regarding this: People are more afraid of a mental disability than a life threatening disease that can be easily preventable. Disease that can cause agony and pain. We, as parents, citizens, and humans, do not understand mental illness. Simple.
My daughter has reached her Terrible Twos. Which sucks. She is not listening and thinks that she can do anything. I'm going to be struggling through this phase. But I know that we all will be better off once it is through.