Tequila Juice

So I'm a little....intoxicated. That is something I think I should point out right off the bat. I am getting tired and when I'm drunk and alone, I get sad and depressed. Why? Because it is seeming that everyone but me is finding their "true love". I don't care about the "right girl" right now. I'm just looking forward to a day when a girl who I ask out on a date decides that she is going to show up and go on the date with me. It has come to the point where I make a back up plan for when she doesn't show up or ignores me the days leading up to the supposed date. Here is a little secret: When I am asking you out on a date, I'm not asking for a long relationship and you have to make a decision right now. I am asking you for a chance. I like you. So I want to take you out and get to know you a little better. You know, have a good time. What ends up happening though is that I end up with Plan B. And it hits really hard when you realize that this girl doesn't like me enough to get a free dinner and a free movie. And all you have to do is fucking show up. What the fuck is so hard about that? Not only is it fucking rude, it fucking hurts. I take it hard. I won't talk to people. After Katie stood me, which I thought she would never do, I didn't eat or sleep for almost 72 hours. I worked in my darkroom. I told myself that it wasn't her fault. I told myself and others that it was my fault for asking her out on a date. And the really fucked up part of it all is that to this day I will take responsibility and take the blame for everything. Girl doesn't show up for a date. It's cool, cause it is my fault for bothering her and asking her out. Girl dumps me over a phone call. Fine, because I obviously did something to deserve it. Girl rejects me off the bat. Whatever, she's too good for me; out of my league. I'm starting to look at this and wondering "why am I covering for them?" I should be holding them responsible. But for some reason I can't. I am holding onto it all which becomes part of this self destructive spiral I am working my way down. I try to stay positive, and someone is helping me do that. But the problem is that it is the girl that I currently like, and she is for the most part unavailable. It is whatever, I suppose.

Bottom line. Fuck it. Why try so hard when you know the outcome? I can talk to a girl and try to get her to like me, or I can just be me. I choose to be me. If a girl can't like me for me, or like me at my worst, then it is obvious that she doesn't really like me. She likes a part of me; but not everything that I am. I don't know what the future holds for me, but here are a few things that will never change: I will never cheat on you. I can be found most friday and weekend nights alone in my room. I take pride in my work. I will be the one who comes into your work just to say Hi. If you can't seem to handle that, let me know so I can stop wasting time for the both of us.

Forearms, Tattoos, and a Shitty Screen Recorder

First things first. I am getting a tattoo. I have talked to the artist, and we came up with an idea. I need to take him a few things so he can get a better idea because I want some things to be as realistic as possible. I'm super excited. For those wondering, it will be a photography themed tattoo. It will be residing on my left forearm, and from the idea and sizes, it will take up most of my forearm, and maybe my entire arm. Awesome!

I have been trying to do another How-To. But this one is supposed to be a video one, because I want to add that to my blog. The problem is that the screen recorder is a little rough. I think I know audio issues. I need to speak louder. I just want you all to bear with me because I don't have the resources to edit the video to get rid of the rough patches. I might look into that so I can make it all shiney and pretty for you guys! The topic is ripping DVDs to your hard drive so you can watch them on your computer, or ship them off to your iPod, iPhone, Zune, Android, or Windows Mobile phone. If this is of interest to you, comment on it below.

Last but not least, I think it might be about time for making a few trips. I will be making the trip to Illinois first , maybe next month. Next up will be Pennsylvania, maybe in October. This will spread them out a little so I can recover from the financial hit. But it will all be worth it. I am hoping to surprise people for some sweet Ultimate and some drinking around town. I am giving the How-To another shot tomorrow before I resort to screen shots and maybe some Audio. You will have to wait and see.

Attraction Is A Fatal Disease.

Attraction is a funny thing. There are no rules. There is no real rhyme or reason why there is an initial attraction. You think that you like type A but then you find yourself attracted to this type B person. It seems that no matter what type of person you like you always seem to end up being attracted at some point to the exact opposite. But then there are time where you find yourself attracted to a person either only physically or attracted to their personality. But there is a time when you find yourself attracted to a person and it develops a little further, what younger people will call a crush. For the sake of consistancy, I will continue with the same syntax. This happened to me recently. I didn't want it to. It just happened. I was talking to this girl after her boyfriend broke up with her for a fucking stupid reason. And it upset me because she is a good friend and she doesn't deserve to be treated like that. I was talking to her pretty much all day and most of the night to try and get her mind off of the shit he did. I was attempting to be a good friend and help her through this hard time. Just after talking to her for a few weeks, it kinda turned into flirting a little. Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, as far as I'm concerned. But then it happened. It felt like a giant brick wall hit me. I had a crush on her. I really liked her personality. The thing is I haven't seen her in years. I mean in like over 4 years. I know what you are thinking: How can you have a crush on a girl you haven't seen in over 4 years? I don't know how it happened. But it did. But just in my way of doing things, I've attempted to destroy it and get rid of the crush. Why? There is no point in having a crush on a girl who is practically unavailable. "Huh?" is what you are saying right now. How can someone be single but unavailable. She didn't want to date anyone after being with him for a few years. It makes sense, but it just adds to this dilemma for me. And I have to stop and ask myself: Why do I always like the girls who are unavailable? Is it a mental thing for me? Do I do it so that I know that they are unavailable, so I won't take a chance and ask them out, and therefore won't feel rejected? Or do I just have bad luck. I know what you think it is. I will tell you what I think it is: I feel it is both. Like 90/10 split. The 90 part being the mental part of knowing that they are unavailable so I will continue to feel safe. Rejection is a part of life. Some experience it more than others. I have a rocky past with girls. I know I do. I've been an asshole to girls. I've tried being the friend to girls. It's been a tough road. I've been trying to recover and find myself and everything. I did something that I usually don't do. I told this girl I had a crush on her. I normally don't reveal that to anyone; half the time I try to convince myself that it is not real and quell it. She seemed surprised by it, but it quickly turned back into the reaffirming dread I had: She didn't want to date anyone. And that is fine with me. I knew that maybe someday in the near future, she might have a change of heart and find her way to me. But then it all came crashing down on me. Her ex came back into town. Knowing that she still had feelings for him, my heart sank. But then my defective, messed up head took over. It decided that it was time to put an end to this uncertainty and risk-taking once and for all. Why be attracted to anyone? This makes me think of the novel "The Giver". It portrays a world where everyone has their purpose. You are groomed for your purpose. Women have the opportunity to become child bearers. It seems like a much simpler world than the one where we live. According to Feminists and females politicians, this world is run by men and women are not equal, blah blah blah. While it is true that the business world is dominated by men, and the political world to a certain extent is also dominated by men, there is a whole other side to this world that women have their claws dug in, and they are dug in deep. That is the emotional world. They can claim that chivalry is dead. It is, to a certain extent. But that was set in motion by women themselves. This need to be equal in everything has been historically off-putting to men. Wanna be equal? Open your own damn door. That is not the attitude I have. But it is an example of things. But then when it comes to romance and dating, it is the common belief that men have the responsibility for everything that involves dating and romance. The guy is expected to pick the girl up. The guy is expected to pay. The guy is expected to plan everything. It is the guy who always gets in trouble every year that he does not plan something big and extravagant for the anniversary. It is the guy who is supposed to take the chance and ask the girl out. Why is always falling on us? I mean I don't mind planning everything making it fun. I like knowing what I have planned so I can tease the girl and have some fun with it. What is discouraging is when girls constantly compare what you do to their friend's dates or boyfriends and basically saying "Try harder cause you're not doing good enough". And it also is discouraging that we have to take the chance on a girl and there are girls out there who just want to defeat men and make them feel like nothing. Why don't girls ask guys out? I will tell you why: their mothers. Mothers implant into their little princess' head that for a guy to be good enough, he has to do this, this, and this. And let's be honest. Most of the guys in the world cannot live up to those high expectations. I know that I can't. I don't have the money to take a girl out on an expensive date. I try to plan on a budget, but making it fun. I trying to figure out what my girl likes, and play to that. I would much rather cook dinner for a girl than try to impress her by taking her to a fancy restraunt. And by fancy I mean the Tilted Kilt. Oh, by the way girls, if you don't like dogs, and by dogs I mean German Shepherds, don't apply here. Because I will have a German Shepherd, and she will be protective, and she will be my best friend and will always come first. I will have a king size bed so she can sleep there with me. So get used to the idea. If you try to get between me and her, I will not hesitate to severe the relationship. And when it is her time, yes I will cry like a newborn baby. No one will ever do anything to seperate me from my dog. I keep her with me everywhere I go. She will be missed. I loved her, and I still do. She was my best friend no matter what was happening in this world. She didn't want to leave. She fought until I told her it was okay. I still have scars from you, baby girl. You are missed more and more everyday. Still ate that pizza just like when you were a puppy. I remember our first night together. You slept in my bed; me on the floor. You were more than a dog. You were everything to me. I hated not being able to take you with me to college. I missed you the most while away. I always welcome the bleeding and the licks and everything. You were my BEST FRIEND. Always and forever. I Love You.

The Mac Is Back.

The Mac Is Back! Wooooo! I have officially disassembled, painted, and successfully reassembled my Power Mac G5. The paint has a few small nicks and scratches from when I was working on the assembly. The computer was a pain in the ass to take apart and put back together. It is a well crafted and well engineered piece of machinery. Everything fits together in a certain way and only in one way. I like it though. It was a challenge. I do not consider the Mac to be finished. I will be buying some new fans to use that have some nice bright LEDs in them. I will also be using my remaining two PCI Expnasion slots for two fan controllers. I'm looking forward to getting everything going again and using this powerful machine. I will be working on a screenshot tour of my Mac, and how I have it set up. I will be working on customizing the desktop like I have my Windows one set up.

I have a question: Why do guys treat their girlfriends like shit? I don't understand. They have this beautiful, smart, wonderful girl, and they treat her like shit. Why? Do they have make her feel bad to make themselves feel better? Even after all the shit they go through for you? Like moving across the country to be with you? I don't understand the need to make your girlfriend, the girl you supposidly love, feel like shit. I do hope and pray that she smartens up and leaves your ass and finds a guy who will treat her like she deserves. I do the little things for a girl and she thinks I'm the nicest guy in the world. Why doesn't every guy do those little things for girls? I know that we are not in the age of Knights and the damsel in distress. But why be an asshole? There is no need for it. And what else pisses me off is that the girls aren't fucking smart enough to get the fuck out of there. WHy be with a guy who treats you like shit? Don't give me the "But I love him" bullshit. You are just afraid to take charge and find someone better. And there is someone better out there for you. Sometimes the guy is right in front of you. Sometimes it is your best friend who is secretly in love with you but decides to keep it secret because he knows that you won't leave the asshole. Or he is with you time and time again as your parade through a bunch idiots who don't know how to treat a girl. I just don't know what to think about this whole romance and dating thing anymore. It seems that I see everyone pairing off and finding someone. But it seems to elude me. I fully subscribe to the theory that some people are destined to be alone forever. It is just math. But I'm finished with that now.

I'm ready for Friday. Day off. Relaxing. I'm excited. Maybe something good will come out of it.

$100 Million

The classic question: What would you do with $100 Million? I was thinking about this after a dream that I had which involved me waking up to $30 million in my bank account. So here is a list of what I would do with my money:

1: I would buy some cars. Seriously. I would pay off my sister's Subaru, and sell her Malibu and replace it with an Subaru Legacy. Great on gas, and a lot of power. Now for my cars. I would return my Saturn to my Dad, because that was the deal. I would then buy myself a few cars. I would have my "everyday" driver car, a sporty "show off" car, and my work vehicle. My everyday car would be a custom Ford Shelby GT500. It would be all black. No classic Shelby stripes. I would remove all the emblems that mark it as a GT500. It would be black on black on black. Black exterior, black interior, black wheels. I would have the white headlights to make it intimidating. I would be powerful but not showy. I would also buy a brand new Corvette ZR1. Blue. 'Nuff said. My work truck would be a brand new Chevy Suburban. 4 Wheel Drive power house. Will do everything I need to do. I would consider a 4 door sedan, which would be a Dodge Charger, Supercharged.

2: I would pay my bills forward. I mean insurance, phone, electric, gas, internet, rent. All paid until the lease ends. I would then buy a cheaper house and work on it while living at the apartment. I would make it my own. I have certain design ideas that I would incorporate througout the house. I love the combination of thick, white trim and crown molding, with a solid darker hue as the wall paint.

3: College debts would be paid off. Enough said.

These are the top three things I would do with my money. I feel that this is pretty reasonable. I don't feel like the cars are too outragous. I don't plan on being that douchebag who just won a shit load of money. I would be just keep it quiet and do my thing. I would love to pull up to work in an all black Shelby GT500. It would be loud, aggressive, and impressive. The Charger would be just as loud. The Corvette would not be taken to work, unless just for a visit. It would be taken out for a cruise and I would have fun with it. Coupe all the way. I would need the suburban for all the drywall I plan on buying for the house. I have it all figured out. I would use my money wisely after a short spending spree. But I would love it.